Chapter List

• Introduction to Peak Conditioning
• Defining Peak
• Setting Goals
• Eating Right
• Getting Rest
• Making Time
• Getting Started
• Weight Lifting
• Aerobic Exercise
• Cross-Training
• Flexibility
• Mental Conditioning
• Peak Technique
• Arms
• Arm Joints
• Hands and Forearms
• Shoulders and Neck
• Chest
• Abs
• Back
• Buttocks
• Legs
• Leg Joints
• Feet
• Bones
• Basic Fitness
• The Core Routine
• Body Shaping
• Advanced Shaping
• Ridding Fat
• The Inactive Man
• The Career Man
• The Traveling Man
• The Family Man
• Partners
• Better Sex
• Bicycling
• Running
• Swimming
• In-Line Skating
• Baseball
• Basketball
• Golf
• Racquet Sports
• Skiing
• Football
• Soccer
• Hockey
• Backcountry Sports
• The Twenties
• The Thirties
• The Forties
• Over 50
• City Living
• Country Living
• Oceanfront Living
• Cold Weather
• Hot Weather
• The 3-Month Program
• The 12-Month Program
• Preventing Injuries
• Caring for Injuries
• Massage
• Preventing Disease
• Rebounding from Disease
• Setting Up a Home Gym
• Choosing a Gym
• Buying Shoes
• Outdoor Equipment
• Questions and Answers

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Better Sex

Better Sex

Peak Points * Do Kegel exercises for ejaculatory control. * Get into an aerobic exercise routine for greater stamina. * Strengthen your shoulder, back and abdominal muscles so your thrusting and support muscles don't tire.

What does it mean to have "great sex"? Ask a thousand people, and you'll get a thousand answers. Sex is a complex mix of the physical, the mental and the spiritual, and for each man and woman, the optimal balance is different. For some, brain stimulation— romance, mystery, love, even danger—dominates the sexual encounter; for others, the greatness is all in the technique, the sensations.

Sorry, but we're not going to focus deeply on those things. Instead, we're going to take one step back. Our perspective is that no matter how you define great sex, you won't be able to achieve it without plenty of stamina, energy and ejaculatory control. These we can teach you.

It's no small point. Few men past the age of 40 can claim the jackrabbit sexual energy or capacity they had in their teens. Likewise, how many men can say they have consistently good control over their private part's performance? And yet, with the right exercises, men can achieve a whole lot more sexual vigor than they likely would imagine. And who doesn't want more sexual vigor?

Improving Ejaculatory Control

First and foremost, the typical guy wants control over when he ejaculates. Problem is, the heat of the moment always interferes. We're chugging along, enjoying the ride, when suddenly things pick up speed. Too late, we realize we're on the express train to Orgasm Junction, when what we really wanted was the slow route so we could take in the scenery along the way.

Although the delicious sensations of sexual contact are the main triggers of an ejaculation, there are a number of bodily processes that control the physical act of ejaculating. Many of these processes are completely involuntary, but there are some key functions that you can learn to control.

"You need a lot of different events to occur in the body for ejaculation to happen," says William Hartman, Ph.D., co-director of the Center for Marital and Sexual Studies in Long Beach, California. "There's muscle contraction, there's breathing, there's pressure you bring to bear on the penis. To a large degree, there are techniques any man can learn so that he can delay his orgasm and enjoy sex for longer periods of time." Here are some tried-and-true methods.

Learn to block. Okay, these tips don't fall in the category of training your body for long-term control. But if you want to slow things right away, as in tonight, here are three ways to do that, according to Dr. Hartman.

1. When you feel like you are about to ejaculate, firmly press and hold the underside of your penis. The idea is to block the ejaculate from passing through your urethra. Hold still for 12 seconds. You could involve your partner and ask her to hold you tight "down there." Once the sensations pass, you can resume your business.

2. Again, just prior to ejaculating, place your fingers against your perineum (that's the space between your penis and anus) to block your testicles from retracting into your body. Do that correctly and it will keep you from ejaculating.

3. A third method is the start-and-stop. Essentially, when you begin to feel an orgasm coming on, slow down your motion, even coming to a halt if need be. Let the sensation pass before starting up again. Let your partner know what you are doing, though—she might get frustrated otherwise.

Clinch it with Kegels. Your lower pelvis is home to some pretty powerful muscles. Take the pubococcygeal (PC) muscles. They're the muscles you use to stop urinating midstream. They're also the muscles you feel contracting when you ejaculate. If you do an exercise known as a Kegel, where you clench and unclench your PC muscles, you can build control over them and prolong ejaculation. "The idea is that, at the point where you're about to ejaculate, you clench the PCs hard, and that prevents the ejaculation," says E. Douglas Whitehead, M.D., director of the Association for Male Sexual Dysfunction in New York City. "But first, you'll have to do a lot of Kegels."

Luckily, you can do them anywhere, and you should, several times a day. Do a short clench, relax for a moment, then try to do a longer clench for about 10 to 15 seconds. Do about ten of these exercises at least three times a day. Gradually increase the number over time. The more you do them, the better your control will be, according to Dr. Whitehead.

Take a deep breath. A common route to quick ejaculation lies in the way we breathe. "In the heat of the moment, you start breathing heavy, your heart starts racing and everything moves faster, including the time it'll take you to ejaculate," observes Dr. Hartman. "Instead, I counsel patients to concentrate on taking long, slow, deep breaths." This gives you better oxygen flow and helps equalize everything even when you're stroking your way vigorously through some scorching sex.

Don't desensitize. Most guys try to hold off as long as they can by focusing on something other than sex—usually something mundane such as baseball stats or going down the list of chores you have to do around the house. This is the wrong way to go about it, according to Dr. Hartman. "You might think you're avoiding ejaculating, but what you're really doing is cheating yourself out of the pleasure of sex," he says.

Dr. Hartman has male clients practice something called sensate focusing. "Don't concentrate on the genitals; focus on the whole body. When you touch your partner, focus on what your hand is feeling. When you kiss her, concentrate on the signals you're getting from the lips. Don't think about baseball averages; don't distract yourself. Concentrate on the feeling of your partner's body against your body," he says. At first, this may make ejaculatory control a bit iffy. "But ultimately, you'll find it makes your control stronger. You'll get better with practice," Dr. Hartman insists.

Master your feelings. One of the best ways to practice ejaculatory control is by yourself.

"Masturbation can help you to learn what your limits are. You can determine what feels good and what feels too good, to the point of losing control," says Dr. Whitehead. Masturbation also helps you control ejaculation another way. If you masturbate within a few hours of when you think you're going to have sex, you'll take the edge off your anticipation and be able to go longer, points out Dr. Hartman.

Be a lord of the rings. If you and your partner are not opposed to the idea of sex toys and other equipment, consider investing eight or ten dollars in a penis ring, a constrictive device that you slide or snap over the base of the penis. Similar devices are available from medical supply houses but should only be used under the direction of your physician, according to Dr. Whitehead. The ring traps blood in the penis and helps you maintain hard erections for longer periods of time. They also have the side benefit of blocking ejaculation, he adds.

Two caveats: Don't wear it for longer than 20 to 30 minutes at a time—cutting off blood flow to the penis for too long can cause tissue damage, says Dr. Whitehead. Also, you may find that ejaculating while wearing the ring may cause a retrograde ejaculation: Semen can't travel via its normal route, so it backwashes into the bladder. It's not harmful, but you might find it uncomfortable, according to Dr. Whitehead.

Remember Your Kegels By now, you've probably heard about Kegels—the exercise where you clench the same muscles you use to control urine flow. The idea is that Kegels will make those muscles stronger, and you'll therefore be able to improve your ejaculatory control. The goal is about 100 flicks of those pubococcygeal (PC) muscles a day, according to William Hartman, Ph.D., co-director of the Center for Marital and Sexual Studies in Long Beach, California. The problem is remembering to do them. After all, it's not like there's a Kegelcisor exercise machine sitting in your living room or basement, reminding you to do your sexercises. So here's a short list of tips to remind you of the simplicity and beauty of Kegels, which you can do anytime, anywhere. * Kegels and bagels: Ah, breakfast, the most important meal of the day. And no better time to start your daylong Kegel routine. Clench your PC muscles with every bite you take of breakfast. Try to hold the clench for as long as it takes you to sip and swallow a mouthful of coffee. * Kegel and Hegel: The German philosopher claimed that reality was based in ideas, not in things. Remember that as you're explaining your ideas at the next meeting. And take a minute to ground yourself in your own reality. Do a few quick PC clenches while your boss is mulling your ideas over. Heck, he might be doing the same thing. * Kegel and finagle: Buying a new car, but don't feel like paying new car prices? Or maybe you're at the local flea market, trying to get that antique dresser for a steal. It doesn't matter; just remember to clench while you're trying to clinch that deal. Even if your finagling doesn't get you the price you want, your ejaculatory muscles—and your partner—will consider it time well-spent. * Kegels and Eagles: Or Jets. Or Cowboys. Or Raiders. Yes, even when you appear to all the world to be a couch potato, absorbed in the afternoon game, you know that you're working to gain yardage in the great gridiron of your bedroom. Do a Kegel every time the teams come to the line of scrimmage. Hold the clench for the duration of every pass or kick. And every time someone makes a touchdown, do as many as you can in the space of a couple seconds. In the game of sex, there are players and there are punters. Be a player. * Kegel and Nagel: You're wandering around the local art museum, trying to make sense of paintings that appear to defy all reason for existence. When the gallery before your eyes doesn't meet your high artistic standards, summon up a vision of the Birth of Venus, or a nice marble statue of an ample Italian beauty or the smooth, electric lines of a Nagel nude. Kegel your way past the modern art. If you see something that catches your eye, hold the clench for as long as you can. Think of the strokes you'll be adding later to the great masterpiece that is your sex life. Now, that's art.

Fitness for Better Sex

Sex experts are forever saying the key to great sex is all in your head. But for our purposes, let's look at the other love machine—your body. Mental sex isn't much good without a body that can deliver the goods the mind has promised itself.

"There's no doubt that there's a link between libido and fitness," says Eric Gronbech, Ph.D., a professor at Chicago State University who researches the link between fitness and libido. Actually, there are two links: First, when you exercise, you prepare your body for better sexual performance. "There's been evidence to suggest exercise increases your testosterone levels," says James White, Ph.D., professor emeritus at the University of California, San Diego, and author of The Best Sex of Your Life. Not only will exercise help increase your sexual activity but it also lets you build the cardiovascular and physical fitness that's going to help you perform for as long as you want.

The second link is more psychological. "As you exercise, you tend to feel better about yourself," says Dr. Gronbech. You feel more confident, and your appearance improves, as does your overall ability to draw a few delicate moths to the glorious flame that is your golden self. So in addition to your core workout of lifts that work all your muscle groups (see the Core Routine on page 121), here are some specific suggestions, stretches and routines to turn your body into a total sex machine. You can even do some of these on your bed while you're waiting for your partner to join you. Just make sure you have a firm mattress. If you have an old mattress or a waterbed, use the floor or a weight bench instead.

Do aerobic exercise for amore. Sex is not a sport of power; it's one of endurance. The best way to build endurance is by improving your cardiovascular fitness with aerobic exercise like jogging, swimming, cycling or stair-climbing. In one of Dr. White's studies, men who performed aerobic exercise reported increases in libido. But more important, they reported having 30 percent more sex and 26 percent more orgasms. "Overwhelmingly, they reported more sexual satisfaction than those who didn't exercise," says Dr. White. Try to keep your aerobic exercise to at least three sessions a week, 30 to 45 minutes at a time.

Pump up a pleasure chest. Cosmetically, it's obvious why you'd want a well-muscled chest—to attract more mates for sex. Seriously, though, your chest muscles help support your arms and shoulder muscles, which you need any time you're on top, especially in the missionary position. Keep doing those bench presses.

Work your gut. Your abdominals do more than give you thrusting power; they also help you make subtle changes in the angle of thrust and your position relative to your partner. To keep your abs sexually potent, do a variety of crunches, such as crossover and oblique. Dr. Gronbech suggests starting out with three sets of 10 reps, and working up to 20 reps.

Push-up for passion. Shoulders play a key role in the missionary position as well as many other sexual anglings, Dr. White notes. Push-ups work the muscles essential to good sex. Other shoulder-builders include shrugs and upright rows.

Shoulder Flexes

Sit up in bed, hold your arms above your head and cross your wrists, grasping your fingers.

Straighten your arms and extend them back behind your head as far as you can, while still keeping your wrists crossed. Hold at the furthest point for a count of 30, then relax.

Seated Bent-Over Rear Deltoid Raise

Hold a dumbbell in each hand, palms facing in. Sit toward the end of a bench, keeping your feet together and planted firmly on the floor. Bend forward so that your chest almost touches your upper thighs. Let the dumbbells hang behind your lower legs. Keep your arms slightly bent.

Lift your arms straight out in a semicircle. Raise the weights to shoulder height and hold for a moment. Slowly lower to starting position and repeat for 8 to 12 reps.

Butterfly Stretch

To keep your groin muscles limber and flexible for an all-night lovemaking session, lie on your back, knees bent, feet flat on the bed. Pull your heels towards your butt; turn your ankles so the soles and heels of your feet are touching. By now, your knees should be pointing out to the sides.

Let your knees slowly drop toward the bed. Gravity should naturally pull them in that direction, but you may want to put your hands on your inner thighs and apply slight downward pressure. When your knees are as far apart as possible, count to 30, then relax.

Hip Stretches

To keep your thrusting muscles loose, lie on your back, with your knees dangling off the bed. Put your hands behind one thigh and pull your knee toward your chest. Hold for 30 seconds. Switch legs and repeat.

Next, sit on the bed or ground and spread your legs out. Put your hands in front of you and lean forward from the hips. Keep your legs relaxed, back straight and feet upright.

Pelvic Lifts

To strengthen your pelvic and butt muscles at the same time, lie on your back, with your knees bent and feet slightly apart, flat on the floor. Keep your arms at your sides, hands also flat on the floor.

Clench your buttocks and raise your pelvis off the floor. Keep your butt clenched through the lift. Raise your pelvis until your back is straight, but not arched. Lower, then repeat.

Close-Stance Squats

Lamentably, this squat is also known as the sissy squat, but don't let that mislead you—this is a man's exercise, a true thigh- and butt-burner. Start by standing with your feet a few inches apart, toes pointed slightly outward. Hold onto a bedpost, weight machine or other tall, stable object.

Lean back and lower your body by bending your knees. Shift your weight up onto your toes. Lean back until your thighs are as close to parallel to the floor as you can get them. Hold the position for a moment and clench your butt muscles as you go. Keep your back straight. Return to the upright position. Do five reps.

How to Become a Sex Master

As you've probably learned by now, sex is a lot more than just ejaculating. "It's unfortunate that men are as tight-lipped as they are about sex," says Dr. Hartman. "If they weren't afraid to ask their doctors or talk with their partners or other men, they could open themselves up to a wealth of information that could help them improve their sex lives."

To save you a little trouble, we went out and asked some experts for you. Here's a roundup of their best all-around suggestions for greater and greater sex. Be warned: Some of these tips may be more fun to follow than you were expecting.

Have more erections. What did we tell you? For men, sex is a use-it-or-lose-it proposition. The more frequently you have erections, the more you'll have and the firmer they'll be over time. "More erections means the various tissues and chambers in the penis will stay strong and expandable," says Irwin Goldstein, M.D., professor of urology at Boston University Medical Center. "Less erections means that over time, the tissue inside the penis will become more scarred. That translates into softer erections or even impotence as you get older." So have more erections—of course, how and when you choose to generate those erections is entirely your business.

Don't mix sex and drugs. If your sexual prowess has been declining, you may find the explanation in your medicine cabinet. "A lot of prescription and over-the-counter drugs can decrease libido, limit the amount of blood that's going to the penis, or both," says Dr. Gronbech. Some of these drugs include blood-pressure medications like Procardia, tranquilizers and antidepressants, anti-epilepsy drugs like Dilantin and anti-ulcer drugs like Tagamet. If you suspect a medication is hurting or inhibiting your sexual performance, see your doctor, who might be able to prescribe a substitute medication.

Warning: If you're on a prescription for these drugs, do not limit or discontinue using them without consulting the doctor who prescribed them. Going off heart medication could kill you—and that would really put a damper on your sex life.

Ask and ye shall receive. We're assuming the sex you're having involves another person. You should, too. "A lot of men don't take the simple step of asking their lover what they want, what feels good to them," says Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., coordinator for the Jefferson Sexual Function Center in Philadelphia. "Instead of expending all your energies running through the whole repertoire, you could save yourself some time and energy simply by asking what feels good." They may not like all your flashy moves, compared to one or two particular techniques. If you focus on those, you cut your work considerably and raise yourself up in her eyes as a sensitive guy who knows what makes her tick. "And don't be afraid to tell her what you want, too," says Dr. Goldman.

Don't do all the work. Sometimes we can overdo it in our vigorous sexual antics. We get to thrusting, and we start going too fast for our heart to keep up. When this happens, we wear out too soon, and a systems failure results. Pace yourself. "Let her do some of the work. It's like any exercise—when you start to feel winded, take a break," says Dr. Hartman. Or let her take over. Great lovers are unselfish lovers, he says.

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