Chapter List

• Introduction to Age Erasers for Women
• Stop the Clock
• Age Spots
• Allergies
• Anger
• Arrhythmias
• Arthritis
• Back Pain
• Binge Eating
• Bladder Problems
• Burnout
• Bursitis and Tendinitis
• Cellulite
• Depression
• Dieting
• Double Chin
• Drinking Problems
• Drug Dependency
• Eating Disorders
• Endometriosis
• Fatigue
• Fibroids
• Foot Problems
• Hair Loss
• Heart Attack
• Heart Disease
• Hemochromatosis
• High Blood Pressure
• Hysterectomy
• Infertility
• Midlife Crisis
• The Pill
• Respiratory Diseases
• Sex Problems and Stds
• Smoking
• Snoring and Sleep Apnea
• Stress
• Stroke
• Television
• Thyroid Disorders
• Type A Personality
• Unwanted Hair
• Varicose Veins
• Vision Changes
• Worry
• Wrinkles
• Adventure
• Aerobics
• Affirmations
• Alcoholic Beverages
• Altruism
• Antioxidants
• Aspirin
• Breakfast
• Breast Care
• Calcium
• Career Change
• Change and Adaptability
• Confidence and Self-Esteem
• Cosmetic Dentistry
• Cosmetic Surgery
• Creativity
• Fiber
• Fluids
• Forgiveness
• Friendships
• Goals
• Honesty
• Hormone Replacement Therapy
• Humor
• Immunity
• Learning
• Leisure Time
• Low-Fat Foods
• A Litany of Low-Fat Foods
• Makeup
• Marriage
• Massage
• Medical Checkups
• Optimism
• Relaxation
• Religion and Spirituality
• Resistance Training
• Sex
• Skin Care
• Sleep
• Stretching
• Vegetarianism
• Vitamins and Minerals
• Yoga
• Credits
• Gray Hair Rethinking Your True Colors
• Biological Clock
• Body Image
• Caffeine
• Cancer
• Cholesterol
• Dental Problems
• Diabetes
• Digestive Problems
• Hearing Loss
• Injuries and Accidents
• Memory
• Menopausal Changes
• Metabolism Changes
• Migraines
• Osteoporosis
• Overweight
• Premenstrual Syndrome
• Reaction Time
• Skin Cancer
• Ulcers

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Change and Adaptability

Change and Adaptability

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Dare to Be Different

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Imagine if you went out to dinner with your friends every Wednesday night at the same restaurant, ate the same food and talked about the same things. Then suppose you went home and watched the same old TV programs while you painted your nails the same color you've worn for years. Pretty boring, huh?

Sure, most of us don't get that deeply entrenched in ruts, but more than a few women could use a booster shot of spontaneity and a splash of change in their lives, doctors say. For as much as we like routine, occasionally altering course can prevent us from feeling like life is passing us by.

"Staying flexible will keep you from falling into too many ruts," says William Rakowski, Ph.D., of the Center for Gerontology and Health Care Research in the Department of Community Health at Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island. "Leaving room in your life for new things certainly keeps a spark burning within you that helps keep you creative and motivated."

"On the other hand, it's far too easy to say to yourself that you can't change your life because you're getting old," says Dr. Rakowski. "What you're really telling yourself when you say something like that is the future is locked into place, and there's nothing you can do to change it. That could be a warning sign that you're giving up too much control of your life. Don't let stuffiness get the better of you."

Why We Resist

If you look at your daily life, it's probably very structured. "Most people have their alarms set at a certain time. They take the same route to work, see the same people, watch the same TV programs or listen to the same radio stations day after day," says John Putzier, a Pittsburgh management consultant who conducts seminars nationwide on the importance of change and adaptability. "That's not necessarily bad because routine is comfortable, and most people do like feeling comfortable in their lives. But as a result, it makes it more difficult for them to adapt to change as they get older."

To illustrate his point, Putzier often asks his seminar participants to trade seats with another person in the room. "They don't want to do it. You can't believe the resistance that people have to doing something that simple. In a matter of 30 minutes, they've established their turf. They literally think 'This is my seat and I'm not going to give it up,'" Putzier says. "I ask them, 'If you can't handle this, how do you think you're going to react when somebody comes in and changes your job or expects you to do something in your life differently?'"

Lack of self-esteem--all too common for women to begin with--is one of the major roadblocks to change, says Sidney B. Simon, Ed.D., counselor and professor emeritus of psychological education at University of Massachusetts­Amherst and author of Getting Unstuck: Breaking Through Your Barriers to Change. A woman, for example, may not believe that she is good enough to have what she really wants or she may think she doesn't have the skills or willpower to change.

Other women's resolve withers away because they don't get support from family or friends, or they are perfectionists who avoid making a change because they are waiting for an ideal moment or situation that never will occur, Dr. Simon says.

But fear of losing control--which can be experienced by loss of finances, status or respect--is, by far, the most common reason that women resist change. "Fear can be paralyzing. It keeps us stuck in our old ways," says Susan Olson, Ph.D., director of psychological services at the Southwest Bariatric Nutrition Center in Tempe, Arizona. "As we age, we begin to realize that life is bigger than we are, and we don't have control over a lot of things. So we start to treasure our little routines and convince ourselves that we are safe within those limits."

Overcoming the Barriers

"That old saying isn't true; an old dog can be taught new tricks, but you have to want to learn," Dr. Olson says. "We can change our thoughts. We can change our actions. We can change our relationships. We don't have to be stuck within our boundaries if they no longer serve us."

"Change doesn't occur overnight," Dr. Olson says. "But if you're persistent, you can learn plenty of ways to limber up your mental flexibility." Here's how.

Have a few laughs. Take a moment each day to laugh at yourself and the world around you, Dr. Olson suggests. Laughter will help you enjoy your day and open up creative ways of seeing the world.

Break the rules. "Most of us have learned that if you have some free time, you should be doing something productive. But ask yourself 'Who wrote that rule in the first place?' " Dr. Olson says. "So if you've cleaned your house every Wednesday night for the past 15 years, why not skip it one night and do something frivolous like going to an amusement park?"

Be a leader of the pack. Break away from the crowd and wear a new outfit. Who knows, you might start a fashion trend. Go to a different type of movie than you've ever seen. "The point is, don't be a follower," Dr. Olson says. "Make your life a unique piece of art."

Make the stars shine on you. "Make a schedule of your daily activities and put a star next to activities you like and a check by activities you don't enjoy. Is there a balance? If not, maybe it's time to make some changes so you get some fun and excitement into your life," Dr. Olson says.

Know what friends are for. If you're trying to change an attitude or break a habit, tell a friend or relative about it. Ask them to point out any time you fall into your old patterns, says Rebecca Curtis, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Adelphi University in Garden City, New York, and author of How People Change.

Do it his way for a day. "Many fights in relationships are over toilet paper and toothpaste," Dr. Olson says. "Why not relax your standards for a day and try it the other person's way. You might find out they had a better idea after all."

Walk a mile in their shoes. "If you have difficulty understanding another person's point of view, close your eyes and imagine that you're that person," Dr. Curtis says. "If you work with a selfish man, for instance, try to imagine what it's like to be him." While this won't excuse his behavior, "once we start letting these feelings into our consciousness, we realize that we're all human, we all have insecurities and we all have the potential to express them in many different ways," Dr. Curtis says.

Stop, look, listen. When you feel that you're making a judgment, stop and ask yourself if you've considered all viewpoints. Do you really have enough information to make a reasonable conclusion, or are you making a decision based on your biases? "Listen to at least one other person who has a different viewpoint of the situation than you do. You might discover she has a point," says Dorothy Booth, Ph.D., assistant professor in the School of Nursing at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor.

Tune in. Reprogram your car radio with new stations that you don't regularly listen to. Listen to the new stations--and none of the old ones--for a minimum of three weeks. "It's a mundane thing, but it teaches you to always be on the lookout for ways to break away from your habits and become comfortable with change. Get into the habit of not getting into habits," Putzier says.

Plan to act. No change is long-lasting unless you have a plan, Dr. Simon says. So on a sheet of paper, draw a four-column chart. Label the four sections "Do," "Get," "Be" and "Act." In the "Do" column, write down a goal like "I want to accept changes in my job." Under "Get," jot down the benefits of achieving that goal, such as "less stress" or "my boss will appreciate my cooperation." In the next column, write down a one-word description of how you'll have to be to reach your goal. In this case, "open-minded." In the last column, list the actions you'll have to take, such as "I need to write a computer program to keep track of the new information my supervisor wants me to gather now." Writing down your plan will make it more likely that you'll follow through on it. "That list is so important that I'd laminate it and carry it in my wallet instead of money," Dr. Simon says.

Never say "can't." Every time you say you can't do something, write it down. Then beside it, write down the same statement, but this time change "I can't" to "I won't."

"'I can't' is a crippling statement. It takes control out of your hands. 'I won't' makes you realize you're making a choice," Dr. Olson says. "So if you say 'I can't go back to school,' try changing that to 'I won't go back to school because I'm too old.' Suddenly that empowers you--who really says you're too old?--and you might decide to enroll in some night classes."

Forget perfection. Many women who are rigid avoid making decisions because they fear making a wrong choice. "In their minds, a decision is all good or all bad," Dr. Olson says. If you feel that way, try making a small decision that doesn't feel perfect, like buying a magazine you've never read before. Chances are the world won't end if you don't like it. Try on the habit of congratulating yourself each time you make a "shades of gray" decision. This will help keep you focused away from perfection.